healing is a slow process…
Posted in abuse, because i must, forgiveness, journey, successful forgiveness, therapy on July 15, 2008 by chill24well, I’m re-writing what I just wrote ’cause my crappy computer just shut down. of course nothing was saved. anyway, I’m think I’m dealing with it pretty well considering my computer isn’t out the window and in the yard right now.
it’s taken a year of trusting other people to help me grow emotionally. I have two people I really trust that I’ve had to rely on their advice when I wanted to react to hurtful situations in the only way I knew how. stemming from my abuse as a child the way I’ve dealt with hurt, pain, anger etc…has been stunted. I’ve had to totally come out of my comfortable and familiar ways to be able to grow up. I’ve had to really examine myself and not be so stubborn and feeling so entitled to be treated a certain way. there’s always going to be hurt and pain, dealing with it in a healthy manner is my goal.
I can honestly FEEL a change. I don’t know exactly how to describe it - lighter feeling in my heart. my mind doesn’t dwell on hurts and anger over and over again. I used to replay circumstances that made me mad over and over again - thinking of how I could respond to cause the most pain back. I still get angry about some things but I don’t find myself stuck in it. that’s my biggest accomplishment. changing the way I think and how I feel pain and hurt has been a hard, slow and long road. I’m not done. wow though, I can see where changing myself is worth more than trying to change those around me.
onward ho!