well, the couple whom I’ve finally been able to forgive and just move on has initiated a dialog. It seems they would like to talk.
All my fretting and finally handing this over to God and just letting my mind rest has paid off. Wow, it really does work to trust God.
This outcome hasn’t occurred in all of my relationships I’m trying to get over but this shows me hope. I feel this journey just got a little easier. 
I haven’t made it through all of these.
Inside Out by Dr. Larry Crabb – I started this one and found it helpful and deep. I’m not at a point where I can finish it because I keep thinking, “I wish my sisters were reading this” instead of taking it all in for myself.
Divine Nobodies by Jim Palmer – finished it in two days. It’s easy to read and not really about forgiveness. It is about the heart and finding a healthy way to look at God and others.
Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall – haven’t started it yet. It was sent to me by my dad. The intro uses quotes from the King James Bible – not sure how I feel about that yet. It’s not exactly the most personal version out there. Looking over the chapters and reading bits here and there leave me feeling encouraged to read more.
Free of Charge by Miroslav Volf – started this one a few days ago. I already like it. I’d love to meet Mr. Volf someday. So far he captures what I need to begin the process of forgiveness…grace. I can’t wait to read more. It’s not difficult to read and at the same time doesn’t insult my intelligence.
sigh…wish I could snap my fingers and all the anger/hurt/bitterness of the past and present would disappear. Unfortunately that hasn’t worked – yet. So, I listen and read. Sometimes I pray. I’m determined to live in this world as a happy person. Not willing to let the yuck of others affect my heart.
Any advice is appreciated.
ok…I forgive you C & M. I think you guys are totally wrong and stupid but your life is your life. I forgive you for hurting me and my family while dealing with your own issues.
I forgive you. I’m sorry for our loss of friendship. I forgive you for saying things that aren’t true. I forgive you for not coming to us when you perceived a problem. I forgive you for being so emotional and immature and allowing your issues to hurt us. I forgive you.
I know…it’s because we’re people.
Oh my gosh. There’s this couple that we’ve been friends with for over 12 years. They got sucked into ass hole band members warped reality of this conflict he and I had. Instead of coming to us and talking about the crap they were hearing they totally got all into the drama and decided that they needed to take sides. They’re the only ones out of several others hearing BM’s crap that fell into his bullshit.
It’s sad and I’m going to miss them but…good-bye. I’m open to being friends again someday but I don’t think I’ll ever trust their judgment. They live for drama and unfortunately they allowed themselves to take sides (when sides didn’t need to be taken) and totally throw our friendship into our faces.
For years we’ve shown them unconditional friendship. They’ve had plenty of drama and crap in their lives that we’ve always been there to support and encourage them. This was one time we would have liked this kind of friendship in return. Maybe when they grow up.
I’m so over dealing with conflict yet…not really. The energy and pain and crap that one has to go through just to settle a difference has me wondering, “is this worth it?”.
We truly want God to be honored even in the midst of His own children fighting. What does that honestly look like from a Biblical perspective?
My husband and I have kept quiet in dealing with a member of our church that has time and time again been insulting to me, manipulative and outright nasty. He on the other hand has drawn in people that have NOTHING to do with any conflict that is between us. In doing this of course he’s shared his perspective which is not what I perceive as the truth.
Aside from all of that extra crap we’re now dealing with…originally how should this have been handled? I spoke with him personally when I felt slighted over and over, my husband and I spoke with him and his wife trying to work things out (failed) and lastly we involved a mediator who knew none of us personally. In hindsight we might have benefited bringing in the board of the church – I don’t know. If the church body is to be involved, what does that look like exactly? This other person involved another family (processing is what they all call it – gossip is what comes to my mind) and nothing but more complications have come from it.
It does matter to me. There will always be conflict. Whether it’s in the church, family or business there must be a healthy, positive way to come to forgiveness and resolution. I do realize in our case we were working with someone with control issues, issues with women that have affected his behavior and who knows what else. When one side is completely in denial of their participation in the conflict there has to be a cut off point. We have done our part by accepting what we have needed to ask forgiveness for and asking for it. I realize whether or not the other party tries to make amends or accepts our offer we need to continue to do what is right. This isn’t only for our sakes but for the ones we’re in conflict with and ultimately the church family.
ugh. This makes me want to not get close to people because of the likely pain that’s coming down the road.
really annoy me. ok, so there’s this conflict that has gone on forever. We met with a mediator, took some time away from each other and in the end BM decided to leave our church and he and his wife are moving on.
So, another couple somehow got involved (BM couldn’t keep his mouth shut nor was he truthful). They are now claiming satan is winning blah blah blah. It’s a load of crap. For one thing – they have NO IDEA what has really happened here. They’re angry, hurt, etc…
This is a couple we have know for over 12 years. What the heck is happening here? They’ve been brainwashed by someone they’ve known maybe 3 years. Instead of obsessing over this I have to step back and just realize they’re drama freaks. Life has to have something tragic going on for them to survive. It’s been their families for the longest time (which my husband sacrificed hours of his time and energy helping them deal with). Now it’s got to be a conflict they have absolutely NOTHING to do with. Not only are they now involved but they’re ill informed and spreading wrong info to others.
Do I say something or just let this continue? Jeez. They’re in their 30′s – grow up!!
ok. I’ve worked through TONS of crap to learn to forgive and move on in my life and come to a more mature way of dealing with hurt and pain.
the problem I’m experiencing now is the constant need to be on my guard so as not to get hurt. I don’t think this is what I was going for when I began this forgiveness journey. I want to be able to be hurt and deal with it without obsessing over it.
ahhh, I find myself now withdrawing from friendships and not wanting to make new friends for fear of getting hurt. I don’t think this is healthy. I know I need friends. I would like to have my family there for me. I truly trust neither.
so, now what? I’m going to try and put more effort back into my friendships. maybe I’ll just naturally open up again. I hope.
ok…finally we get the word bm with the bad attitude is leaving. this is such a relief to me. church has been miserable with him there. I’m looking forward to being able to worship and fellowship with people again without him distracting so many of us from the reason we’re at church in the first place.
one thing that could be some bad fallout from his time here is a wonderful couple following in his footsteps and leaving too. not only has he said things about me and my hubby that aren’t true to these people and others in their house church – he’s discussed things that we specifically weren’t suppose to discuss outside of mediation.
this is the responsibility of this couple to handle things maturely. I know they live on emotion…decisions in church, home and work. I really hope they look at all of this rationally. bm has conflict issues where ever he goes. sooner or later they will be negatively affected by him.
ahhhh, I’m really starting to hate being in ministry. it’s almost as if we don’t have feelings or get hurt when people are thoughtless toward us.
oh how selfish I’m sounding. it may be time to leave to the ministry before I start feeling let down by God.
I’m really not ever wanting to go back to church. I want our children to have a great church experience. Right now there’s nothing but life-sucking going on because of an immature, pouty employee of our church. So draining. I just don’t have many church experiences recently that leave me wanting to pour any more of my life or energy into the church.
I’m not feeling down on God. I know He’s brought me sooooo far in this journey called life. I’m feeling down on the organization know as “the church”.
new development inthe situation with bm. he has said so many untrue things to people in his circle that now our children are going to be affected. a couple from our church decided to not go trick or treating with our kids because of this situation. i’m so freaking upset. i haven’t said anything to the kids yet because i know how disappointed they’ll be. why can’t this asshole keep his big fat mouth shut? personally i think he should be fired because of the crap he’s caused all over the church. what the hell is he trying to accomplish by lying to so many people about our conflict? he even told this couple he’s apologized to me. ??? what? not true in the least bit.
i have called his wife to apologize for abandoning our friendship over this situation with her husband. i think she and i could be ok if bm would shut the hell up.
