may as well start with getting over it…

i’m writing here because i don’t want to share this with anyone i know or who knows me – but – i want to share.  my husbands position requires that i have descretion in how i speak, reply and even feel about other people.

unfortunately that makes me very lonely and angry.  i’m taking this blog to help me heal the hurts and begin happiness.   i believe this begins with my ability to forgive.  now…how to do that.

i suppose starting one person at a time – there are two that come to mind that would clear out some angry/hurt space if i could just get past them.  t – whom may take awhile and r – who because of her ignorance and own issues i should be able let go of the nasty, judgmental comments she’s made to me.  i’ll start with r.

r-i forgive you.  you used our friendship and the confidences i shared with you to throw arrows at me later.  i forgive for that.  i forgive your betrayal of our friendship. i forgive you for saying horrible, untrue things to me about the kind of mother i am.  i forgive you.  i forgive you for taking our friendship away – i miss being friends.  i forgive you for hurting me.  next time i feel the anger rising in me because of you, i’ll forgive you again.  and again.  and again.  you are forgiven. (deep sigh)

i do feel better, just a few tears because i held back.    i’ll let this sink in.