forgiveness doesn’t always = reconciliation

thank goodness.  i know forgiving those who have hurt me and who occupy my thoughts more than they should is important for me.  good for my heart and mind and life.

that said, i know that sometimes i have to forgive and not expect reconciliation.  i think there are some (i know) that i don’t want to have a friendship with anymore or even any contact whatsoever - yet forgiving them is still a must.  my husband mentioned that some people have those who have passed away to forgive - there will never be reconciliation yet there needs to be forgiveness for the person still going through life.

i deal with this confusion about my sisters and adopted daughter “t”.  i’m moving toward forgiveness with all of them for different reasons yet in these relationships that will always be a part of me, do i move toward reconciliation too?  right now i don’t want to.  i’m having trouble dealing with just the forgiving part.  reconciliation seems unlikely but i want to do whats right and mature and healthy and yes, what would honor God.

forgiveness - what a powerful thing.  being able to start small in forgiving little offenses has helped know how a forgiving heart feels - free.  i can’t imagine what my heart will feel like when it’s free from the extremely heavy pain/anger/hurt that still remains.  do i have it in me to accomplish this - no, not alone.  i’ve never been able to forgive until i finally involved God in my healing.  it’s so painful though and not aways pretty on my part.  so far it’s been worth revisiting the reasons for my pain and anger but i haven’t dealt with the really deep things yet.  things in my sisters and my relationships that i’m sure to regret and need to own up to, things in t’s and my relationship that i’ve handled poorly - all to reach the other side of pain.

face pain to get through pain.  hurt to conquer hurt.  that’s what i feel i’m facing.