i’m so close to quitting

the band that is…we’re no longer accomplishing what we are supposed to do.  leading worship has become a concert/performance type thing now.  this week you know who put me between the drums and bass.  what the hell?  on top of that he turned up so loud the rest of us (including the leader) couldn’t even hear themselves.

there’s no way i can talk to him, i’ve tried.  he doesn’t take advice or criticism from a woman, maybe not anyone.  he’s also slowly pushing me out.  i mention the louder the band gets the more singers we have couldn’t hurt anything…he takes my mic away.  oh my gosh.  being christians i know we need to work through this but i just want to punch him in the face.  who does he think he is dictating how i’m going to serve and worship?  i hate fighting this alone because i really have no way to express myself or get anything done about it.  sometimes being a woman sucks…expecially dealing with men who are assholes.

i have a feeling march is going to be my breaking point.  i don’t think he’s letting (letting) me sing at all.  someone from our church requested – weeks ago- to have me play the tin whistle for st. patrick’s service.  the male pig tells me  yeah sure – last night he told the requester only if it fits in the service.  so basically he’s being passive aggressive and it’s something i’d like to do so unless i push my way in it ain’t happening.

oh yeah,  when i would pick songs he would make remarks like “we need to choose carefully and plan ahead”…what does he do?  has someone pick songs by running their finger down his song list on the computer.  that’s really carefully considering the service. i’m so sick of this.  it’s almost every week he does something that’s borderline insulting me.  taking the mic away is just about the last straw.  he’s been talking to another keyboard player that doesn’t even want to come to church…to do what?  play another keyboard or the one i’m playing.  i really miss the other band.  it’s not fair.

i know this blog is about me learning and experiencing forgiveness.  how to do that when i’m offended ALL the freaking time by this asshole?  geez, let me play the damn keyboard and sing.