have to do something…

a few nights ago i awoke around 3:00 am upset about this sister stuff.   i have to do something.  i’ve decided to email…i’ll be civil and kind and just begin a dialog to hopefully mend whatever fences are down.

i would really like to lash out and hurt them back.  i’d love to let them know all the offenses they’ve tossed my direction and shame and guilt them into begging my forgiveness.  i know, i know that would only make things worse.  i have to ask myself, “what do i want to accomplish here?”.  i need to seriously examine how this will not only effect me, but also our children and their children, our parents and our spouses.

why care?  i know i need to care for my own hearts sake.  now, i also need to protect my heart for what may be responses i don’t like or continue to be hurtful.  i just know i cannot be hurtful back – no matter how much i’d like to be.  i’m not going to be like that.

i’ve already composed a rough draft for sister #2.  maybe by monday i’ll be ready to send it to her.  sister #1 will be more difficult.  i have a lot more anger toward her for the hurts she’s caused me.  if i don’t send them at the same time or close together it could be good or bad.  this is where i need therapist advice.

i’ve got to sleep now.  i’m so tired.  maybe i won’t wake up thinking of my sisters and how i wish they’d act like they care.