still dealing with hurt but gonna do it right…

ok…i got a reply from sister #2.  it appears the silence i’ve been experiencing was deliberate.  it’s also been without reason as far as i can tell.  she claims she felt i didn’t want her involvement in our lives but doesn’t tell me how or why she came to that conclusion.  she also mentioned she got information about t going to live outside our home from someone besides myself…well, how was i supposed to know that?

when i did try speaking to her about t she didn’t ask me any questions or really even respond to me wanting to talk to her.  i was really confused and hurt.  all along it’s because she already knew (which i was unaware).

ok…i want to let her have it.  let her know how incredibly difficult this season of my life has been – dealing with a r.a.d. child and trying to hold our family together – AND not knowing why my sisters haven’t been there for me.  how incredibly hurtful they’ve been and it’s been deliberate.  what the hell.?

i’m not going to though.  i’ve begun a working in my heart and life that involves healing and forgiveness.  hurting back is not going to accomplish what i’m doing in my own life.  i am going to respond and let her know i had no idea why she wasn’t talking to me.  i’ll have to work out with hubby and therapist how to approach the rest of what i want to say.  how could i know she found out before i had a chance to talk to her?  why will she communicate with my husband and not me?  we did come to this decision together.

man, i am really angry and hurt but i will not make this worse.  she has her crap she’s dealing with and i know that’s what influences her responses and perceptions.  it’s my job to be clear not to make her understand – to quote my hubby.  this may not turn out how i would like it but this is what i must do for my journey.

onward ho…