ups and downs in dealing with crap…forgiveness is ongoing

sometimes i do so well.   right now i seem to be in a slump – i’m mad and really hurt by/with the band member.  he’s saying things to other band members that isn’t true (fortunately the other members know me well enough to realize this – i hope) but the fact that he’s trying to cause rifts in my friendships is ticking me off.  what do i do?

we are meeting with a mediator because things are so tense.  i’ve held back a little in saying what i think his real problem with me is – he has problems with women.  he treats his wife like crap and me and who knows what other women who may have contact with him in life.

i’ve also had thoughts of my sisters enter my mind from time to time.  it’s not as bad as before.  it’s funny that i haven’t heard from either one of them since my brother’s wedding.  this i do need to let go.  i think it’s ok not to have them in my life anymore…i can’t be mean or hurtful to them for my own heart’s sake but i’m not going to let their lack of involvement in my life hurt me anymore.  they are both messes – emotionally and spiritually and i don’t want that to hurt our children or me anymore.

forgiveness is ongoing.  i can’t forgive and forget – pain/hurt arises once more and i have to forgive again
for the sake of my heart.

wish this were easier.  i’ll keep going.