dealing with really mean sisters…

well, i’ve really been working on forgiving my horrible sisters. i’ve been working through email trying to find out why they’ve been so mean lately. they hadn’t made much of an effort to speak with me or my family since our r.a.d. daughter went to live with my parents. no support, understanding, nothing from them. not even any questions as to what happened to remove t from the home.

anyway, i’ve been asking questions and trying to re-establish a relationship between us. they’ve both responded but sometimes it’s like looking back at horribly bad communication skills that we grew up with or just responses i don’t get any answers from but more confusion.

now i’m finding out that they really are going to italy together. hello, is there any consideration to how that may make me feel? i can’t imagine planning a huge trip to someplace exotic and only inviting one sister. this is really mean. really, really mean. maybe i deserve this by opening myself up to them and wanting to be a part of their lives. i was just asking for hurt. now how to deal with this in a healthy manner. i don’t know. i want to lash out in anger. i want them to hurt for hurting me. i think i actually feel hate toward them right now.


22 Responses to “dealing with really mean sisters…”

  1. Hi,

    I was reading this and I couldnt help but relate…. Oh gosh I have 5 sisters and its seems I am constantly feeling hurt and pushed away by two in particular. If you dont tell everything that is going on in your life to one sis she will never call or answer any phone calls. But if I do tell her anything she will tell the whole world and part of it will not be truth. my younger sis came to visit me and stole money and a camera. I told her I forgive her and havent heard fron her in a year she still denies this. At first I was very hurt by this behavior. But you know maybe life is better without all the drama and maybe I dont need to feel hurt because they arent perfect like me… he he just kidding. I know how you feel. Keep your chin up and realize sometimes blood is thicker than water but God made friends to take the place of the crazies in our lives.

  2. Samantha Says:

    I have a sister and i hate her. i know you probably dont beleive me but its true! i let her stay in my room and she starts being a (sorry but this is the only way to describe it) retard and saying its me. then i say get out and she dosent move! she has guts. but i found that she is just a bully looking for atention. so i find if you ignore them and their stupid remarks you can usally get through it. but trust me if they go over the line do what you have to do!! AND DONT BE AFRAID TO DO IT!

    • Family less Sister and fine with it today~ Says:

      I understand how you feel but, don’t call your Sister names just pray for her. God is the only one who can help. You don’t know what a mean Sister is, I have 5 today!
      I agree with you Stand you ground~

      • Jhon Doe Says:

        I understand to. But i have to say God doesn’t do anything. Just praying isn’t going to do ANYTHING. You have to take action in your life and thats that.

  3. I have 2 sisters. 1 will hate me forever, because of lies my deceased instigator parent told her, or whatever other reason she can come up with. Her Bad. The other one acts like my ally, really she’s not anyone’s. I have more class than she does though, because I did not tell the other sister, who just DIES for her approval, the mean things she says about her. She makes sure she tells me the mean things other sister says about me, however. I think she has taken the throne of family instigator. but she can only succeed if I co-operate, and I Will Not. I’d rather have my self respect, and that of my spouse, then attention from them. I’ve unplugged these witches with a capital B, no offense meant to witches. Who needs ’em? I did not pick them nor they me. Try taking back your power from meanie sisters. It works when nothing else does.

  4. I have decided to divorce my older sister! ( I love the phrase ‘unpluging witches’) Her pleasure is to leave me out of family celebrations and she uses my younger sister as her ally. I actually tried to organise a birthday party for her recently, only to receive evasive answers, I then discovered she had hired a house in the Lake District to celebrate with other family and friends.

    We are not youngsters but grandmothers! I hope that doesn’t fill you with despair. I’m going to say the conventional things, all cruelty springs from weakness. Sisters who co-operate are flattered into thinking they have a special quality the bully loves. They don’t. If the bully sees you as competent and happy, then that’s enough motivation.

    My ‘divorce’ or ‘unplugging’ means at long last I’m going to try not to play the game. Christmas cards, birthday cards, normal politeness and that’s it. No accepting invitations either. The power of offering and then with-holding is not one I intend to give her any longer.

    We can find the strength to over come the hurt. After all our greatest defence is our happiness.

    • bluejays6 Says:

      Lottie, Thank you so much for your post. I realize it is from a few years ago, but I have the exact same issues with my ‘sisters’. DETACHMENT has been the ONLY way I have been able to survive functions with them. As you said, the power of offering and then withholding is also one I don’t set up myself up for anymore. I don’t do birthday cards or any of that though; I refuse to send good wishes when they have hurt me so many times. A therapist once reminded me that just because you are related to someone, does not mean they CARE about you. It takes just as much energy to be mean as to be nice, but they CHOOSE to be mean, and I choose not to subject myself to it. It’s sad that someone else has to also be treated this way by siblings.

  5. My sisters are meanies too. We are in our 50s. They have always been jealous and mean, not to mention two-faced toward everyone they come in contact with. Who needs the drama indeed! The best revenge is living well and keeping my own life private from them so as not to increase the jealousy. Cinderella Syndrome.

    • Family less Sister and fine with it today~ Says:

      You don’t know what Mean Sisters are, though I feel for each and every one of you!!! I truly do… My SIsters all ban together against me, One reason for sure is, the Sister above me in age me being the baby, her Husband tried to kiss me, I was so scared when this happened, Imagine this I am 5’8″ 130 lbs he was 6’5″ about 250 lbs. also the father of one of my nieces, yea how sickening. I immediately told my Mother, she then told this mean Sister who in turn, turned it around like I came on to him. First of all I was newly “happiily Married” Young and inexperienced!!!! I trusted this Man as though he were my Brother, a brother we never had. After my Mother told my Sister, Both of My parents knew I was telling the truth, , this Sister decided to try to ruin my life and spread vicous lies about me. I think my Sisters all felt sorry for her and fell for her side. At least to her face, Unreal. My Brother in law passed away and before he did, he apologized to me, for him and her, his wife. He said she was so jealous and insecure when I was around she didnt know what to do but try to turn all my Family away from me. She doesn’t have friends, only the Family she has vicously lied and made them feel sorry for her… I lived for years with pain in my heart over this!~ I sure hope that made her happy. I would never let a Man fool me into thinking it was the Woman, keep in mind NOTHING happened but I ended up losing respect for my brother in law. He made me feel sick to my stomach. I pushed him away with all my might, he got the hint and backed off. That was the end of it~ Mom & Dad always said they thought he was running around! They were right~
      I remember a few Christmas’s one in particular where we were all to meet a Mom and Dads for Christmas, we my husband and I, were given a time to be there, Once we drove 45 minutes to my Parents house and unloaded all the gifts we brought for everyone once we brought them in the house, we noticed all the opened gifts and gift wrapping paper piled up next to the Christmas tree and only my Parents were there, I said where is everyone and why are the gifts opened, my Parents BOTH broken hearted said, we are so sorry your SIster didnt want to be here IF you came, so we opened the gifts and everyone left. Can you imagine how my Parents felt. Their hands were tied, if they said anything to this really mean insecure Sister she would threaten them she would never come over. My Parents depended on her since she never had a J.O.B. and could take them anywhere they wanted, but still this should not have happen.
      Since then I have lost a Brother in law, “her husband she drove to end his life” both parents, and just recently a Sister, the Sister that “always stood by her side as she for some reason pittied her” I have done so much for both parents and this particular Sister aS I would have for any of the regardless of home much they hate me. When My SIster passed away my Mean Sisters banned together and made a power move by stealing my last chance to ever say goodbye to my Sister. She was hospitalized on a Friday night “I was not called” until AFTER she passed away. The only reason I was called by this cursed Family is because my deceased Sister was being cremated and they needed my signature to get this done. Who can top this. To this day I do not know anything about My sisters whereabouts, of even IF there was a funeral. This story is only a very small portion about my Sisters. If you only knew, you’d be sick too!

      • nicolette Says:

        thats so sad that he died but so cruel that your sister did that

      • I’m so sorry. I’m only 14. My sister is manipulative and agressive. She did drugs for a while and drank and was a really agressive drunk and my parents had no idea and I couldn’t tell them cause she threatened to run away. She stole money from me to buy drugs and when I tried to get it back she shoved me into a wall. Eventually my parents found out about the drinking and so I told them the rest and ever since then she has been verbally abusive and hates me. I fry myself to sleep a lot cause I miss my sister.

    • Family less Sister and fine with it today~ Says:

      Love it, I have really mean Jealous Sisters too. IF you’re broke and unattractive they act like they like you to your face but I guarantee you they rip them down one side and cut the other. What is wrong with Women? Hold your head up high and move on, enjoy the good life, I know I do… Sisters can only bring you down IF you let them and truly thats there Miserable plan. None of my So called Sisters haVe friends only each other, loL!

  6. nicolette Says:

    my sister gives everyone a hard time she always wins she threathens to hurt me or do something dreadful.what do i do

  7. I have an older sister too, who for whatever reason, hates me and is very jealous of me. I have tried and tried to reach her and be there for her . I have finally accepted the fact that no matter what i do for her,it will never be enough. Then, my heart finally healed– it is her issue, not mine.

    • I sympathize with you ❤

    • Ann, I can see the pain in your post, and I can relate. It hurts so much when you reach out and then get hurt. I am glad your heart healed. I do agree that even though nothing will be enough for them, it IS their issue, not ours.

  8. i have a really a hateful older sister also. I’ve finally realized her hatefulness is a form of bullying others, and is probably a personality disorder. she chose to go into the mental health field, has been in therapy most of her adult life, and blames the people she victimizes with hatred and bullying as if they are at fault. she is always diagnosing her targets. it is most unwelcome, and intrusive, off base, and unwarranted since she is not employed as a counselor, or any family member’s counselor, certainly.

    for years i made excuses for her because she was sexually abused as a child. as many of us women were, 1 out of 4 female children are abused by the time they reach 18. but, many people survive abuse, grow through therapy, and spirituality, and heal, without going on to hurt others. she chose to become a hurtful, hateful person rather than confront her own darker emotions. she targets women, friends, and family members for her hatred and bullying and controlling behaviors. its very sad. but after 45 years of dealing with the effects of her hatefulness, and mean ness and bullying, I have come to terms with the fact that a sisterly relationship that is warm and consistent, full of camaraderie, will never happen because its not something she is capable of.

    when we were little if my mom bought me a Barbie doll in the grocery store, (i was 6 years younger than her) my sister pulled its head off before we were through the check out line.

    when we got older whatever bad things happened to me, she would blame me openly to hurt me more. an older bf over 21 got me pregnant when I was 15. legally, it was statutory rape. my parents did not press charges. they decided it was best for me to terminate the pregnancy. being from a religious family, it was a very painful situation for me. my sister accused me of getting pregnant on purpose. later when I broke up with my first real boyfriend, she took sides against me.

    I married a successful man. she was jealous and told family it should have been her. he was also abusive. when I finally got counseling and had the strength to leave, she sided with him.

    my mom babysat her kids so she could get an education after her divorce while she had child support. she told everyone she did it on her own. her friends reminded her she couldn’t have done it without help from her mother. she got a full scholarship to grad school to become a counselor. she bitterly complained about my mother’s parenting to me every day on our “walks” she would ask me to take, until I couldn’t take hearing an over 40 privileged white woman complain about our Mother who had been abandoned with 5 children by my father after 20 years and had to raise 5 children on her own without child support anymore. when I would mention anything at all about myself, she would say, “well what did you expect.” I was grieving the loss of my boyfriend of 5 years to cancer at the time.

    in her 40’s she refused to pay for her own daughter’s wedding to a fiancé she had gone to kindergarten with, and who at 19, had just survived cancer, because despite having the money in the bank, she was saving her money her own second wedding dress, and wedding, to her 50 something year old boyfriend, who was not yet divorced.

    my mom paid for her second wedding. she hosted my father and his wife at her house, never invited my mom to her home, and never arranged transportation to her wedding for my mom after my moms heart surgery, and was going to start the wedding without my mom, because my mom got stuck in traffic driving herself.

    when my mom had gone for that heart surgery, I had to drive her 300 miles to get the surgery, as few surgeons performed the procedure. my oldest sister drove up from Florida with her young daughter to go with us. the hateful middle sister insisted on going, and driving, leaving us dependent on her, after she said she wanted to go not to support my mother, but to spend time with our oldest sister. she abandoned all of us 300 miles away from home 20 miles south of Canada, with no transportation home, while my mom had complications and couldn’t breath. I was trying to find an ambulance to transport my mom home across 300 miles with oxygen with no hospitals between where we were and our home town. my oldest sister had to find a car rental company, rent a car, and drive alone 350 miles to an airport with her child to get her daughter home to start school.

    when my niece had a miracle baby after surviving cancer, my sister kicked her out of her house with a newborn baby, because my niece who was very shy did not want anyone in the hospital room accept her fiancé. my sister blamed the fiancé and told everyone he lied and had tried to keep my sister from visiting. later she took my niece to court for guardianship of her toddler, citing insufficient bonding. fortunately our mother wrote a check so my niece had adequate finances to mount a legal defense. when her daughter was 2, my niece was widowed. my sister didn’t even attend the funeral, and encouraged her son in this continued hatred. he didn’t attend my nieces fiancées funeral either.

    recently this hateful sister has taken all of our fathers assets and is paying herself all of his income to provide what amounts to at most 2 hours of care and meal preparation a day for him, after allowing her husband to threaten him to take his pets away and put him in a nursing home. she emptied his house, took all of his assets, and allowed her husband to cut up his furniture and throw it in a rented dumpster at his house so she could move him out of his home and into hers. my dad cried. he had just lost his wife a week earlier, and is brain injured due to a skiing accident 7 years ago.

    weeks earlier she had convinced my mother to move into her home to recover after a long and serious stay in the hospital this year. she spent 0ver 2500 dollars of my mothers money in 2 weeks. when my Dad lost his wife, and his assets were available for her abuse, she and her husband gave my 75 year old Mother, a cancer patient, one days notice to move out of their home and back into her own home, after having moved all of her furniture into their house, and offered her no help in moving or even a ride home, when she could not walk unassisted, or even exit their house because she could not walk down stairs.

    after 2 weeks of having my Father in her home, she was applying for nursing home placements for him because she admitted she had “reached the end of her ability to care for him, as our step mother had”. our step mother was 64 and had cancer. my sister is physically healthy. my dad was calling people to come and get him to find a new place to live. my sister told me to call him and ask him if he wanted to live with me. she was convinced he would not. he said yes. my brother in law proceeded to leave nasty messages on my phone while i was at work, with elderly patients, saying my dad was not going anywhere. they have since taken all of his income.

    when my mother told the rest of us (his 4 other adult children) that my sister had been applying for nursing homes without our consult or consent, she called my mother and screamed at her for over an hour, while my Dad was in her home, with her husband in the background yelling. my Mom was recovering from the recent hospitalization. I was at work. I had to call the police and report the elder abuse that was going on. for this I have been subjected to more hostility from this sister who has tried to ally one other sibling in her bullying and abuse of the rest of the family. my dad is more or less being held hostage by these abusive people who are stealing from a brain injured elderly man.

    I have finally accepted that my sister is a very emotionally sick person who marred my life with her hatred and bullying. I have accepted that she is abusive and have resolved that any kind of contact would be subjecting myself to further hurt and pain that no one deserves. My other siblings and I have protected our Mom, and our selves, as much as we can from this hurtful and harmful person as best we can.

    Many people have exited my sisters life because she is clearly an emotionally troubled person who lacks empathy.

    All I can say is if you also have a hurtful sibling, or sister, realize they can cause real harm, despite our wish to have normal, and affectionate close relationships with family members, some people have emotional or personality disorders and we can not change them. We can only change how we respond to them in a healthier way for ourselves. If they won’t change and stop hurting others, we have to change and stop getting close enough for them to hurt us. I’ve decided my life is better making room for positive supportive healthy people and relationships than keeping spaces open for people who choose to be hurtful toward others.

    • Sandy, I am sorry that you had to go thru so much. I agree that they can for sure cause real harm; I only hope that the scars from it go away with time. My bad experiences are not as much as yours. There are so many, but the three worst for me were when I was the only one that would borrow my nephew money, but 2 yrs later had to take him to court to get paid back; so his mom (my sister) then was mad at ME. The two times that were worse of all was when my mom passed away (which began with one sister having my mom change executor from my brother to her a month earlier), and most recently when my youngest sister passed away from cancer. True colors always come out after a death, unfortunately. I pray that losing our youngest sister will somehow change the relationship of us remaining, but I am not holding my breath.

  9. It really is sickening how siblings can be so hateful, uncaring, and unloving to each other. I truly believe it usually stems from how the parents raised them. Yes, I have nasty, hateful sisters also. My younger sister didn’t ask me to be in her wedding as a bridesmaid but yet asked our older sister. Then she did ask me after the older sister said she wouldn’t be in it unless she asked both of us. I said I would but then older sister wanted to go see the bridesmaid dresses and told me she wouldn’t be in it since SHE hated the dresses. So I went along with her since she had originally “defended” me and ,therefore, neither of us were in the wedding. Our dysfunctional mother did nothing to try and help straighten the mess out but go about her business as “wedding planner” for sister’s wedding. I really did want to be in it but felt almost obliged to go along with my older sister’s decision. The latest that happened was that Mom had helped me during some rough times (she has dementia now) and older sister who is executor asked Mom’s lawyer to come to the house behind my back and try to write into the will that I owe the estate the money Mom helped me with years ago. It didn’t go through but the thing is that I found out about this backstabbing incident and have problems forgetting it. Jeremiah 17:9
    9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?

  10. Well, it’s sad to hear everyone’s stories, but I don’t feel so alone now. My husband and I have been married for 27 years. We have three son’s. My twins are now 23, one was born with a rare syndrome, he has been through a lot of surgeries, which is also hard on mom and dad as well! His twin brother was very aggressive when he was in grammar school, it was around that time that he was diagnosed with Aspergers. My youngest son now 20, was diagnosed with ADHD and Tourette Syndrome. They were not easy children to raise but we did our best as every parent does. My younger sister had three children all healthy, no learning problems, she was very fortunate. I can’t even count the number of times she told me I was a bad mother. If I didn’t handle a situation pertaining to one of my children the way she suggested I was always called a bad mother. She has said and called me so many hurtful things yet I’ve never said anything hurtful to her. I feel a person should never judge another until they’ve walked a mile in their shoes. After all the hurtful things she’s done to me I finally blew up and texted some nasty things back to her the other day, I’m not proud of it because that’s really not the kind of person I am. There was a time when we were close, I don’t know what changed her, perhaps it was money. They say money changes people. I will never trust her, I forgive her for my own well being but I’ll never forget the awful things she said to me. The funny thing about it is that she has no idea all the negative things that so many people are saying about her. Karma is a bitch!

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